Here We Go, Again

These past twelve months were our personal light year – I still can’t believe our little girl turned one on Sunday!

Yet, it was such a joy seeing Ava celebrate this big milestone with both of our moms.  We weren’t able to throw her the birthday party that we would have wanted given a resurgence of coronavirus cases in our State.  Yet, we made it work – with Baby Shark decorations and many gifts from family and friends who showered Ava with love from afar.  Ava really got into the tearing of wrapping paper; it was fun to watch her open presents.

As we close out the past year as new fathers, we are also laying the groundwork for our growing family.  In addition to our new pug puppy, Poncho, we are also preparing for… (drum roll, please), our journey to give Ava a little brother.

As many of you know, we initially tried for twins, but unfortunately, one of the embryos did not take.  In many ways, it was a blessing in disguise as we had our hands full with just baby Ava who got 100% of our love and attention.  But now, we are well on our way to giving Ava a brother to play and fight with.  It’s important for us to have them be close in age so we are moving fast.

Moving fast is a bit of a misnomer, much of the work that we’ve been doing has truly taken a bit of time to line up behind the scenes.  Particularly because finding an amazing surrogate to give us the gift of life is no easy feat; these amazing women are truly unicorns.  We went on a waitlist shortly after discovering that Ava’s twin had not successfully implanted way back in February of 2019!

Some of you might be asking, but why didn’t you work with Ilsa?   Tía Ilsa is Ava’s amazing surrogate and now part of our extended family.  Unfortunately, while we really wanted to, some complications during our last pregnancy made that impossible.  Our fertility doctors at San Diego Fertility Center reviewed the case and found those same complications would likely reoccur putting both Ilsa and our baby’s life in jeopardy.

But, in a stroke of good luck, we have been matched with our new amazing surrogate, Mandi!  Mandi lives in the suburbs outside of Minneapolis, she is married and has two of the most adorable kids, ever.  We’ve really enjoyed getting to know Mandi and her family and recently got a chance to spend time together in person while we were visiting San Diego for a check-up at our clinic.  Mandi has a heart of gold – she’s genuine and her reasons for wanting to help us build our family are grounded in a place of love.  We can’t thank enough our agency, IARC, for their knack for finding people like Mandi and Ilsa who restore our faith in humanity, every day.

Many folks will likely ask, will Ava’s brother be biologically related to her or will you be using a different egg donor?  The answer is – her little brother will actually be her half sibling. We created all of our embryos at the same time way back in 2018, so technically, Ava’s little brother will be her fraternal half-twin who has been cryogenically frozen in time while she’s been growing out here with us!  We also know the gender of our remaining embryos since we did do initial genetic screening in order to detect any early genetic abnormalities that might impact our success rate.  So, all of this is very sci-fi, but in a good way.  It will make for a great story.

Things really are moving at warp speed.  But, we will continue to update you all on our journey towards making our dream a reality.  As they say, the best it yet to come.  And if the last year is any indication, there are great things in store for the ever-growing Aguirre family.

Caught Up in the Moment

In under ten days, our little girl turns one year old.

Reflecting on the past year as new fathers – where do I even start to summarize how this experience has been?  In the midst of a global pandemic, a renewed focus on racial injustice, political divisiveness boiling over due to the coming Presidential election and economic collapse – it feels like the very fabric of our world is tearing at the seams.

And yet, this year for us has been filled with so many precious moments – too many to count.  The silver lining of suddenly working from home has been the joy of seeing Ava transform in front of our very eyes into a toddler.  We were there to see her successfully crawl for the first time – first tentatively, and now with precision, skill and tenacious speed.   Ava is now “Mission Impossible” walking – darting from furniture to walls to a nearby pug or cat – bracing herself for that inevitable first step without any support.  I predict she will be walking on her own in the next couple of weeks – maybe even in time for her birthday.

We’ve seen our baby turning into a little foodie.  She enjoys blueberries, strawberries, watermelon and nectarines.  She loves corn, peas and kale.  And, like a good Mexican girl, she is obsessed with rice and beans.

Her physical transformation has been equally as dramatic.  She’s taller, leaner, her hair is growing – currently it’s the length of actress Anne Heche circa late ‘90s.  Her bottom two front teeth have sprouted, and her top teeth are just about coming in.  Her eyelashes are so long, she should be the cover girl for Latisse.  She’s a beautiful girl.

Ava is so smart and funny.  While she has yet to say her first official word, she makes her opinions and thoughts well known.  She shakes her head and arms to say “no,” she makes her naughty squints when she’s getting into something that she knows she shouldn’t be in, she sings and loves to dance.  Her musical tastes are eclectic, she’s obsessed with Baby Shark and Missy Elliot.  She loves to tease her pug brothers with her cookies and fruit – occasionally dropping them a few morsels which keep them following her around like she’s the queen of the house.

We’ve spent the past two weeks vacationing in nearby Palm Springs – enjoying the pool as we seek refuge from the desert sun.  Ava is incredibly comfortable in the water – a testament to the months of swim classes we got in before Shelter in Place went into effect.

For the past few months, every day at 5:30pm, our little family takes a walk to a nearby park.  We leash up Murphy our 15-year-old pug, our new pug puppy, Poncho, and Ava goes in the Baby Björn and we walk and talk.  We stop and look at our neighbors’ gardens, we wave to neighbors and we just enjoy being a family.

Those walks are what I have enjoyed the most about this past year.  This pandemic has taught us to cherish the little moments – because that’s all that really matters in the end.  I am going to continue to savor every second, every giggle, every milestone, because I know that they will be gone in an instant, just like (hopefully) this troubled year.

 

A Nursery Worthy of Nesting

Well guys, being a parent is hard.  That’s one of those throwaway platitudes that only carries meaning to those of us who have been battle-tested.  But, every parent reading this blog knows what I’m talking about.

So, it’s no surprise it’s been a while since I last updated you on our journey.  There just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day these days.  But, I figured I’d give you a quick recap of the last few months of our little nesting adventure and then also share this beautiful nursery we created for our little Ava.

2019 has been marked by a cycle of ends and beginnings.  As most of you know, we lost our beloved pug, Gizmo.  That hurt.  But, then two and half months after the birth of our daughter, I lost my father.  Imagine that, becoming a father and losing your father all in the same year.  That’s some cosmic shit.

For those of you who previously read my blog on Dealing with Daddy Issues, you have a little background on the complicated relationship I had with my dad.  My brother, mom and I traveled to South Carolina to pay our respects and close that chapter in our lives last month.

It’s hard to describe the feeling of losing my dad.  But, the best way for me to articulate it is this – when you lose someone close to you, you miss them for what was – the great memories created and shared, the bond, the relationship and all that defined that connection.  When you lose someone who you wish you were closer to, what you miss is what could have been.  In many ways, that “what could have been” hurts more than the “what was” because you mourn all the ways your relationship was left incomplete, unfinished, un-realized.  I’ll share the eulogy for my dad with you all next time, I just need a little more time to process it all.

Aside from losing my dad, we’ve been neck deep in being, well….dads.  Ava is an amazing baby, she’s happy and curious and funny and strong-willed and easygoing and just a joy.  Don’t get me wrong, she has her moments, but for the most part, she’s just a miracle.

Speaking of miracles, it was a miracle we got our nursery done.  The other big life event we’ve been dealing with is our house remodel which of course took WAY longer than we anticipated and it really put a strain on our household (and relationship).

But, through this madness, we’ve created the cutest little nursery for Ava in what was our former bedroom.  Fortunately, we learned babies don’t sleep in their nurseries until a couple of months in – instead she had been sleeping in a bassinet up until recently.  So we had time to make it just right.

We designed the space around the seafoam blue/green color accent wall – treating it like an African sky landscape.  Hence, why there are some jungle animals in the mix.  (As an aside, we learned that Ava is absolutely obsessed with monkeys….it’s the cutest thing ever.)  We chose neutral cream/off-white textured furniture to complement the blue wall.

We also had this awesome pug looking over a wall painting in a similar seafoam color framed that looks like he’s watching over the changing table like a little pug guardian angel (an homage to Gizmo.)  We also bought this tree decal that while beautiful was a total pain in the you know what to stick up on the wall.  Fortunately, it looks great.

We’re happy.  Ava is happy.  And we are in full on nesting mode.  We couldn’t be any more over-joyed.  I guess it is true what they say, from ashes, trees grow.

Check out more pics of Ava’s nursery on our new Instagram:  dad.moves_sf

 

Sleepless in South Dakota

It’s been a little over two weeks since our Ava was born.  It feels like just yesterday and also a million years ago.  Quite honestly, the days and nights have blurred together as we’ve gotten into a sleep deprived rhythm caring for our little one.

Don’t get me wrong – Ava is a relatively easy baby.  She cries when she’s hungry, when she wants to be changed or when she’s gassy.  She is a voracious eater – she throws back milk every 2 hours like clockwork and that round the clock feeding schedule really does take a toll on you.

DJ and I have devised a shift system.  I take the 10:00p-2:30p shift while he sleeps.  Then, he takes the 2:30a-7:30a timeframe.  Then, I’m back up for the 7:30a shift until around 10:30am.  The good thing, Ava and I sorta nap together at this time depending on how she’s feeling.  So, we are getting sleep – just not a lot of it and certainly not the 7ish hours we used to get.

We’ve created quite a nice routine here in our home away from home.  We’re renting a 2-bedroom Airbnb which is super convenient – it has a washer/dryer (we do A LOT of baby laundry these days), it has a great kitchen, grill and the building has a gym, pool and even a movie theatre (not that we’ve used much of these things).  Sometimes we cook at home and we have tried a lot of great restaurants around Sioux Falls.

We’ve also gotten to spend some quality time with Ilsa and her family.  They’ve really helped us to feel at home here over the past few weeks and it has made being new dads a lot more enjoyable.  They’ve alleviated some of that cabin fever you get when you’re stuck indoors with a newborn.  Marilyn, Ilsa’s mom, has even babysat so we could do our first date night since Ava was born.

Overall, it is with mixed emotions that we wind down our time, here.  We fly back to California on Friday.  Early on, we decided to stay three weeks after the birth so we could ensure that most of the remodel work in our house would be done.  Who wants to have dust and construction noise with a baby?

It has also been nice to have these days to bond with Ava on our own – to really connect as a family before our eager moms and extended family descend on us.  They simply can’t wait to meet the newest addition of the family and we’ve been keeping them at bay sharing Ava’s daily #ootd (outfit of the day).  How can we resist playing dress up with this cute baby?  We can’t wait for our mom’s to meet their granddaughter – we know they will be instantly in love.

Speaking of love, I’ve been thinking a lot about the irony of some common sayings.  An old boss who used to encourage me to take advantage of lulls in the workplace used to say, “sleep when the baby sleeps.”  I now understand what that really means.  I also laugh at the saying, “sleeps like a baby.”  A baby does not sleep as soundly as the term implies, newborns sleep the way some people snack.  And so, here we are…a few more bags under our eyes, but our hearts still full.

Sleepy daddy and papá love you, Ava!

Our Dream Fulfilled

We have a baby!  The last two months were a whirlwind.  It feels like I’ve been sleep walking and I’ve really struggled to find time to update you all on what’s transpired.  But, now that I’m up in the middle of the night taking care of our little one, there is no moment like the present to tell you about how all our dreams came true.

Let me take you back to June for a second.  After our pug, Gizmo, passed away, we were devastated.  So it was a bit surreal that same weekend when our surrogate, Ilsa, and her mom, Marilyn, came out to San Francisco for our baby shower.  We had a beautiful afternoon at Mersea restaurant in Treasure Island overlooking the San Francisco Bay with our family and friends and it was just a perfect day.  The love and generosity we felt from everyone was so special – it was very healing for us.  Not to mention the joy we felt in seeing how warmly everyone embraced Ilsa and Marilyn as family.

The rest of June and July in all honesty was a blur.  We had the house remodel underway (it’s still going), work for both of us was crazy and we were racing to finish the nursery.  I want to do a big reveal for you guys so stay tuned for a nursery-related blog post.

Now, back in my chronology, we were coming up to the end of July and DJ and I were preparing to head out to South Dakota to be on “baby watch.”  Our girl was due on August 15^th so the plan was for DJ and me to fly to Rapid City, South Dakota on July 27th and start a 3-day road trip through the State.  We figured, heck, baby is not due for 3 weeks so we can spend 3 days checking out Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse and the Badlands and then drive over to Sioux Falls with plenty of time to spare for us to be here safely for baby’s arrival.

Yeah, not so much.

So it’s Thursday morning around 8:30am and I’m about to head out the door for my company’s annual volunteer day.  I’m trying to fill up my water bottle and the faucet is not working because the contractors turned it off to adjust a pipe.  So, I’m chasing around one of the workers trying to get them to fix it so I can leave.  Then I get a call from Ilsa that sets up a chain of events.

Basically, Ilsa tells me that the itching she had complained to us about the day before was actually being caused by elevated hormones in her liver.  The test that Dr. Salama, our OB had ordered, revealed that the hormones were so elevated, that it raised the chances of our baby being still born.  She did not want to risk it and ordered Ilsa to be induced that evening at 7pm.  As Ilsa was telling me this, time slowed down…I could hear the words coming out of her mouth, but I was trying to process what she was saying.  Ilsa joked later that I sounded very matter of fact as I said, “OK, ok…we’ll figure this out.”

At the same time that Ilsa is telling me this information, I have the contractor also trying to talk to me to ask about the water pressure and I damn near cut his head off with my eyes as I pointed at the phone and I said, “this is an urgent phone call.  Stop talking to me!”  No doubt, I startled him, I certainly startled myself, but I was trying to figure out what Ilsa was saying and what I needed to do.

So, Ilsa and I hang up and I immediately call and text DJ.  He had just headed to the doctor and doesn’t respond.  I text again, “URGENT!  Baby is coming TONIGHT!”  He later told me, he thought I was joking.  Yeah, no.

Then I was in beast mode trying to get everything sorted.  DJ comes home and I make a list.  I put him on baby packing duty with a LONG list of things we need to bring with us while I change all of our travel arrangements.  I’m texting Ilsa trying to figure out alternative airports near Sioux Falls to see if we can arrive any earlier to make 7p.  We can’t.  So we opt to take a connecting flight that is scheduled to arrive at 11:30pm.  Not ideal, but we cross our fingers.

Next, I’m cancelling our hotel in Grand Rapids, trying to change our Airbnb and rental car in Sioux Falls and just getting everything else sorted.  In the middle of all of that, Dr. Salama calls to give a little more background on why inducing is necessary – she leaves a message and I just remember listening to it and not understanding a single word.  It was like the parents in Peanuts doing the “wah wah wah wah.”  All I could focus on was our to-do list.

We get to the airport to try to fly standby on an earlier flight, but they won’t let us on as it is packed and we have Coco with us (yes, we brought our cat with us given that we are remodeling and don’t have anywhere safe to leave her.)  And, apparently you can’t ride standby with a pet.  So, we wait for our flight and cross our fingers that we’ll be able to make our connection in Denver.  We do, because the flight from Denver to Sioux Falls is totally delayed.  Like, painfully so.  We don’t end up in Sioux Falls until 1am.  Luckily, Ilsa’s dad, Waldo, picks us up from the airport, we drop off our bags and terrified cat at the Marriott Residence Inn and we head straight to the hospital.

We find Ilsa and her mom in the maternity ward just hanging out and watching House Hunters.  We learned that when you induce, it’s not something that happens instantaneously – it takes time, especially when we’re talking about a baby that is 37 weeks and likely didn’t have any intention of coming out for 3 more weeks.

We hug, relieved that we’ve made it and that now we’re only 10 minutes away from Ilsa rather than 10 hours.  It was exhausting – but, our marathon was just beginning.

27 hours later – it’s now go-time!  It’s around 9pm and Ilsa’s painful contractions have been getting stronger.  She’s in so much pain and we felt so helpless to find ways to ease that suffering.  We’ve always had tremendous respect for women, but seeing Ilsa go through the birthing experience really reminded me of the strength that women possess that men can only dream of.  She was our Wonder Woman.  Tía Ilsa is always going to be our hero!

And then just like that at 10pm on July 26^th, 2019, Ava Isabel Aguirre was born.  At 6 lbs, 2 oz and 19.25 inches long – she was tiny, but so strong.  She wailed as we did skin-on-skin.  And, she was hungrily searching for nipples on us from the moment she arrived – I’ve been calling her my little Walking Dead baby, her mouth wide open searching for her next meal.  This girl has not found milk she does not like – formula, breastmilk?  Warm or room temperature?  In a Dr. Brown’s or Avent bottle?  Don’t matter…this girl will eat it.  She is definitely an Aguirre!

After 2.5 years, our dream came true.  And, if we’re being honest, a dream that is far longer than that.  Ava is perfect.  As I write this and look over at her and her little nose, her little eyes and cheeks, her little murmurs and funny noises.  She is pure love incarnate.

Now, we’re living our dream which is a good thing, because we are doing less sleeping and therefore, less dreaming right now.  But, we wouldn’t have it any other way!  #love